It’s subway and coffee for me

I’m sorry if I ruffle a few feathers, but I have a tendency to understand the reason behind doing things before blindly following them. So every year, just before the festivities, we have this period called Shraddha. After years of watching pooris and kheers, I thought if Shraddha was all about food. I’m aware that the food is a part of feeding the Brahmin, but it’s just a part of it.

·         From what I read, the purpose of the ritual is to provide momentum to the deceased to proceed from Pitru region to a higher plane of existence.

·         If people leave with unfulfilled wishes, the same must be fulfilled (by people who are paying their respect) so that their souls can proceed to a better place from a negative region.

Another source, states:

According to Garuda Purana, after thirteen days of the death soul starts its journey for Yamapuri and it takes seventeen days to reach there.

The soul travels through Yamapuri for another eleven months and only in twelfth month it reaches to the court of Yamaraj. During the period of eleven months it has no access to the food and the water. It is believed that Pindadan and Tarpan done by the son and family members satisfy the hunger and the thirst of the soul during its journey till it reaches the court of the Yamaraj.

Shraddha, a Sanskrit word, means faith. It is an opportunity to return the favors of our ancestors, society, sages and God. The spiritual emotion is important, and not so much the ritual itself. The ritual must be performed with sincerity.

All in all, I feel it’s a period to remember our ancestors (people who we loved day in and day out), think about every memory that we created with them and think of ways to carry forward their legacy.

Feeding the Brahmins with sumptuous food is a part of the ritual. Looks like we focus on that aspect a little too much.

Talking of food, I wish its Subway and coffee for my afterlife journey.   

Hello Stranger

Hello stranger,

Is that pain that I see in your eyes,

Are you broken from within?

Your silence says a lot,

Unspoken words are trying to break the barrier,

Your unwept tears awaiting freedom,

Just like your thoughts, oh so many thoughts,

In search of emancipation,

I can’t say this to you stranger,

But let go, try to let go,

Let go before there’s nothing to let go of.

Unapologetically unambitious

The tension, questions, feedback and clatter around nursery admissions in Delhi has left me at the edge of confusion, self-doubt and concern. Confusion since each one has a certain opinion about every school, self-doubt since I don’t aspire my kids to go to a school of which I can brag about in my non-existent circle and concern since the kids didn’t make it to many schools.

 

If I was to answer the kind of school that I aspire for Shreya and Shivansh (irrespective of its history or brand), I will say it must have:

• Sturdy security standards
• Patient and compassionate teachers who can excite them about the whole world of knowledge that awaits them
• Good infrastructure (that somehow translates in air-conditioned classes that are not important for me)
• Large playground
• Focus on sports and extracurricular activities
• A place that can fuel their imagination and teach them how to express
• Importance of respecting all, being grateful for everything, humility and generosity
• Give them exposure to a lot of things

What can a school assure?

I know a large part of all the above is my responsibility (and so it should be) but I wonder what can a school assure? 

Are all successful professionals from the best of schools? 

Do all generous and philanthropic people study in extravagant schools? 

Some of the toppers from my batch are not necessarily achievers and the ordinary are doing impressively well. I'm not trying to undermine the role of the school or teachers but I want to reinforce the worthlessness of the nursery admissions marathon. Both school and teachers are critical to shape the being that ultimately becomes.

It will be great if either Shreya or Shivansh (or both) can make it to IIT or Stanford, but it will be equally great if they wish to be a chef or play basketball.

Does it mean I’m unapologetically unambitious for the kids’ future? Perhaps. Perhaps not.  

I’ll find comfort as long as they can discover their passion and truly find lasting happiness in what they do.

Letter to Shivansh on your third birthday

My handsome and cutest Shivansh,

Happy Birthday my boy.

I just love your personality, incessant energy and charm. I love to tease you and act more like your sibling than your mom.

You’re funny and extremely perceptive, sensitive and expressive. You have no idea how much happiness you bring to each one of us. While am not on your favorite list, I know you seek my affection and attention.

I can’t believe that you’ve already grown out of my laps to get into a ‘big school’ (of course, if we’re lucky). While you start your school (too soon), I hope I can turn you into a person who is not fearful to imagine the unimaginable, who is not uncertain to talk about your whims and who is not afraid to dream. I hope you can think beyond text books and explore everything in this world with wonder and gratitude. Cherish every little wondrous thing that comes as a blessing.

The walls can be repainted, the beds can be remade, the floors can be cleaned again, and new furniture can be purchased. So, live your childhood fearlessly my baby but above all learn how to respect every creature, have compassion, be generous and learn to have gratitude for everything right, and for everything ‘not so right’, have the confidence to make it right.

From your mom who might seem busy on her laptop (with no time to play with you) but something that makes her truly happy and content. I hope there will be someday when you will understand.

Letter to Shreya on your third birthday

My pretty little damsel Shreya,

Happy Birthday my girl.

I have one small little ‘Hindi’ word that can be so aptly used for you – You’re a ‘pataakha’. You really are something with your attitude. But when you hug me like there’s no tomorrow and kiss me for no reason, I just melt a thousand times and wish time could come to a standstill. When you do that, I get it why people crave for children. Your love is the most comforting feeling in the world and it alleviates me of every little worry.

I fear the day when you won’t seek me or sleep over my chest. I might crib about it every morning but it’s the most comforting thing in the entire day.

While you shine bright academically, I hope you become more social, communicative and expressive. I honestly hope you learn to scale any difficulties with ease. I hope, like I hope for every child, you become independent, kind, compassionate and sensitive to your surroundings. Most importantly, I hope you are fearless and absolutely self-assured.

From a mom who will always have your back (whether you like it or not).

Birds of the same flock, feather together

Twice the blessings, double trouble, dual miracles, constantly being a referee - having twins is oscillating between extreme emotions. But that apart, I wonder how does it feel to be a twin? As if sharing the womb wasn’t hard enough, twins have their own set of struggles and most of them have to do with ‘sharing’ (a concept that was alien to me all my life). They must share attention, affection and toys too. But that unique bond must make you feel so, so...special.

If Shreya and Shivansh allow, I have some definite pros and cons (at least for now and which will change over time).

Pros
(1) You always have someone to play with and don’t necessarily need adults (who anyway have depleted energy levels).

(2) You always have someone to emulate the crazy things you do. No older sibling laughing at you or a younger clueless one but just someone as crazy as you are, and happy to follow you, no questions asked.

(3) If one gets hurt or is upset and gets pampered with a goodie, the other one automatically gets it as well.

(4) You always have someone to hit, push and fight with.

(5) You always have someone to understand your blabbering.

(6) You get vaccinated at the same time. So, you always have someone who understands.

(7) You always have a familiar face at school.

(8) You always have people get you double presents (most of them different).

(9) You get two different return gifts at birthday parties so you have a variety of everything.

(10) You always have bonus meals and drinks (the leftovers of one twin are fed to the other).

To top it all, you always have someone to cuddle and love so you never feel lonely.

Cons
(1) You’re expected to share a lot of things including the affection and cuddles of 1 papa and 1 mumma.

(2) The naughtier twin always gets reprimanded even if it’s the fault of the ‘not so naughty’ twin.

(3) You cut the birthday cake at the same time and people just sing for you once.

(4) You get divided attention on your birthday and otherwise.

(5) You end up with school assignments and projects done in a similar way. How creative can a single mom be?

(6) If one is hungry, the other is fed (whether hungry or not). It applies to sleeping and pooping as well.

(7) You must take medicine for an allergy that you don't have but the other one has. You must take it as a precaution.

(8) You have to forcefully watch the same thing on TV, which the naughtier one likes. It’s more important to keep the trouble maker still, at times.

(9) You always make a double appearance on social media (even if you didn’t have great pics clicked). Mom dad will never post pics of one.

(10) You must race to finish every meal and beverage. After all one has finished, so must you.

Fly my babies, fly high

9^th April 2018 - an extremely important date for me.

I learned something important today. Something from Shreya and Shivansh.

After 7 months of fun times in the mother-toddler program, my babies started pre nursery today.  For days, I dreaded the first day of their school. I visualized two howling toddlers rushing out of the class, searching for their mom and nanny waiting to be picked up, their eyes red and noses gushing a thick and sticky fluid (urgghh…you get the picture!). There were nights when so many questions made me so nervous -

How will they adjust? 
How will they be on their own (they’re only 2)? 
How will they do without mom or nanny by their side? 

There never has been a time when I left them with people I don’t trust blindly.  

While on my way to the school, I kept telling myself to be strong. I should have clicked their 'first day at preschool pic' but anxiety got the better of me. We were at the reception and the teacher announced that it was time for the first class. I, with a heavy heart, sneaked out. The next 2 hours took forever and I kept pacing all over the school in anticipation (with a constant and strong urge to peek inside their class). As one of their classes got over and the kids went for the next, I couldn't help myself but take feedback from the teacher. What came next was unbelievable. To my complete disbelief, she said both the kids were doing great and weren’t looking for me or the nanny. I managed a faint smile at her. 

Well, to be honest, I should have been an extremely happy, relieved and proud mom. But I was disappointed. My silly heart cringed thinking my babies don’t need me anymore. I know, I know...totally stupid.

But yes, the thing that I learned today was that I must let go. I can already see them growing two tinniest wings, getting ready to face the world and becoming independent. So, fly my babies, fly high and feel free and confident to tell the world to bring it on. 

P.S. tomorrow is another day and I don’t want to be overconfident. I hope tomorrow is even better than today. Let’s do this one day at a time babies.