Birds of the same flock, feather together

Twice the blessings, double trouble, dual miracles, constantly being a referee - having twins is oscillating between extreme emotions. But that apart, I wonder how does it feel to be a twin? As if sharing the womb wasn’t hard enough, twins have their own set of struggles and most of them have to do with ‘sharing’ (a concept that was alien to me all my life). They must share attention, affection and toys too. But that unique bond must make you feel so, so...special.

If Shreya and Shivansh allow, I have some definite pros and cons (at least for now and which will change over time).

Pros
(1) You always have someone to play with and don’t necessarily need adults (who anyway have depleted energy levels).

(2) You always have someone to emulate the crazy things you do. No older sibling laughing at you or a younger clueless one but just someone as crazy as you are, and happy to follow you, no questions asked.

(3) If one gets hurt or is upset and gets pampered with a goodie, the other one automatically gets it as well.

(4) You always have someone to hit, push and fight with.

(5) You always have someone to understand your blabbering.

(6) You get vaccinated at the same time. So, you always have someone who understands.

(7) You always have a familiar face at school.

(8) You always have people get you double presents (most of them different).

(9) You get two different return gifts at birthday parties so you have a variety of everything.

(10) You always have bonus meals and drinks (the leftovers of one twin are fed to the other).

To top it all, you always have someone to cuddle and love so you never feel lonely.

Cons
(1) You’re expected to share a lot of things including the affection and cuddles of 1 papa and 1 mumma.

(2) The naughtier twin always gets reprimanded even if it’s the fault of the ‘not so naughty’ twin.

(3) You cut the birthday cake at the same time and people just sing for you once.

(4) You get divided attention on your birthday and otherwise.

(5) You end up with school assignments and projects done in a similar way. How creative can a single mom be?

(6) If one is hungry, the other is fed (whether hungry or not). It applies to sleeping and pooping as well.

(7) You must take medicine for an allergy that you don't have but the other one has. You must take it as a precaution.

(8) You have to forcefully watch the same thing on TV, which the naughtier one likes. It’s more important to keep the trouble maker still, at times.

(9) You always make a double appearance on social media (even if you didn’t have great pics clicked). Mom dad will never post pics of one.

(10) You must race to finish every meal and beverage. After all one has finished, so must you.

Fly my babies, fly high

9^th April 2018 - an extremely important date for me.

I learned something important today. Something from Shreya and Shivansh.

After 7 months of fun times in the mother-toddler program, my babies started pre nursery today.  For days, I dreaded the first day of their school. I visualized two howling toddlers rushing out of the class, searching for their mom and nanny waiting to be picked up, their eyes red and noses gushing a thick and sticky fluid (urgghh…you get the picture!). There were nights when so many questions made me so nervous -

How will they adjust? 
How will they be on their own (they’re only 2)? 
How will they do without mom or nanny by their side? 

There never has been a time when I left them with people I don’t trust blindly.  

While on my way to the school, I kept telling myself to be strong. I should have clicked their 'first day at preschool pic' but anxiety got the better of me. We were at the reception and the teacher announced that it was time for the first class. I, with a heavy heart, sneaked out. The next 2 hours took forever and I kept pacing all over the school in anticipation (with a constant and strong urge to peek inside their class). As one of their classes got over and the kids went for the next, I couldn't help myself but take feedback from the teacher. What came next was unbelievable. To my complete disbelief, she said both the kids were doing great and weren’t looking for me or the nanny. I managed a faint smile at her. 

Well, to be honest, I should have been an extremely happy, relieved and proud mom. But I was disappointed. My silly heart cringed thinking my babies don’t need me anymore. I know, I know...totally stupid.

But yes, the thing that I learned today was that I must let go. I can already see them growing two tinniest wings, getting ready to face the world and becoming independent. So, fly my babies, fly high and feel free and confident to tell the world to bring it on. 

P.S. tomorrow is another day and I don’t want to be overconfident. I hope tomorrow is even better than today. Let’s do this one day at a time babies.

I must and I will

When I sometimes have ideas of blogs that am just about to write, I think to myself – my god, was my sole purpose in life to get fat and procreate?

I can’t think of anything better, so yes, the birth of my twins has been the best thing that happened to me in my almost 40 years of my life. Momentary happy times have been there but gone by quickly. These two kids have some miraculous power to fill my heart with unadulterated love and keep the happy times going from one day to the next (it’s another story that am filled with frustration just the next moment of experiencing extreme happiness but it’s true for all moms so I’ll leave it at that).

Being able to produce these two amazing human beings has made me at least strongly believe in something. If you believe that you can do something, you can. Just like the incredible meaning of kun faya kun - be, and it is.

 A human can achieve anything. You must be hopelessly hopeful and terribly confident. So yes, I will get better at work, I will work towards bettering my skills, I will train my mind to sleep less and work more, I will be more self-reliant, I will lose weight (and hopefully have a deadline to it too), I will be more energetic, I will be mentally agile, I will not be afraid of new challenges or changes and I will strive to give my babies the best and I will garner the strength to do it. And trust me, if I can, so can you.

P.S. that pic is obviously an exaggeration to make you read this blog. I’m not this fat. Maybe half the size :-p

Letter to Shivansh on your Second Birthday

My boy Shivansh,

Happy Birthday Shivansh.

I see an innocent, perceptive and extremely sensitive child behind your naughty eyes. But you do scare us with your pranks and fearless adventures. I know you constantly seek attention and will cling to the person who gives it to you. I just hope that you don’t turn into a spoilt brat coz then you’ll see a mommy you’ll like not.

You’re an outdoor person (and learner) that we understand. I just hope we’re able to channelise your hyper energies to your own good. I’d love to see you play sports (but that’s about me). I’d love to see you explore what you love to do. I hope your transformation from two to three will see you become less cranky and clingy and be nicer to your sister.

Laugh my baby, your laughter is infectious.

Don’t want to become but turning into one, your helicopter mommy

Letter to Shreya on your Second Birthday

My doll Shreya,

Happy Birthday Shreya.

Sometimes I think what was I doing before you were there to make me feel so important. These 2 years have been super crazy for me and it breaks my heart to think that you wouldn’t embrace me so tight and plead to be picked up maybe sooner than I’d like. But remember that I can sing nursery rhymes for you all my life and have you sing with me. We can together count till 20 coz the way you say 20 or say the name of the colour orange just makes my day.

I can have you disturb my sleep all my life by trying to cling to me and trying to push your hands under my neck. 

I feel immensely proud to see you solve puzzles and sort shapes in no time and with great concentration. I hope I can always provide you with what you love to do. It seems your laughter is the reason we live. It’s so uninhibited, genuine and infectious. 

Grow confident and fearless my baby, and go smack your brother if he hits you.

Don’t want to but sadly turning into one - your overprotective mom