The mystical plan

I thought I held it for life,

But again it escaped into the void,
I looked above, hoping to find it, 
But I was lost in the endless expanse, 
So much beauty in the sky, I was numb,
That shimmering star, or is it a meteor,
Is someone looking at me from that red star,
Can my heart hold this unceasing reach,
Ah, look at the flawed enchantress,
With a new shape each day with every phase,
The eternity engulfs everything I am,

I am under the spell of the deep dark sky,
Feeling like a speck in this mystical plan.
 

Coffee makes me so

I am used, I am abused, and I am overused.

Yes, I am the everyday coffee mug. But not just your ‘everyday’ everyday. I am used for her coffee, day in and day out. She says coffee doesn’t taste the same in any other mug. I snuggle the warm liquid harder so it stays warm enough for her. Every time she sips from my mouth, I try to turn every sip as mesmerising and refreshing as her first one. No matter what they wash me with, I’ve assumed the soul of coffee so I can enliven her experience a bit more.

You know you reach a point in life where you do not mind being used and unappreciated just coz you are somebody’s habit. Humans strangely and loosely tie themselves to habits. One day after another, they make these habits so deeply ingrained in their lives, and believe that they are entangled to them. More habits, the higher the heap of confused web. 

I know I’m not her ‘forever’. Just wait till I have a little crack, and I will be abandoned and lonely as the old haggard person on the streets. 

Now, now, you must think the reason for this coffee mug to be so insolent or pensive. Well, coffee makes me so.

When I had dysphagia and I just could not gulp pills

When I was a child, I had an issue called dysphagia. It means an issue generally swallowing, but I had a problem swallowing medicines. In my experience the more you run away from a matter, the more it comes down on you. So, I suffered from malaria (as a kid), and that too not once or twice, but multiple times while we stayed in Lagos. 

If I must associate certain keywords with our stay in Nigeria, it would be, a doll-like duplex house, tall banana trees, armed robbers, Ilupeju, Indian Language School (and my amazing friends) and malaria. For some strange reason, I suffered recurrent malaria. I had to repeatedly take quinine pills; god knows for many months. It may seem as if I am making a big deal for taking those innocent quinine capsules, but you must ask my mom and dad of the herculean task that it was. 

Some of the ways that this dysphagia kid tried:

• Guzzling down an entire bottle of water only to have the capsule sitting in my mouth
• In the most delicate manner, my mother opened the capsule and emptied the most bitter powder and mixed it with honey. I would still puke.
• My dad pushed it in my mouth, put water and kept my mouth shut till I swallowed it
• My mom fried bread and dipped it in sugar syrup as a post pill reward (she made a whole lot of other goodies as well) but the pill just would not go past my mouth 

Post our stint in Africa and years later, I had to take a zillion medicines and had no option but to learn the art. After all these years, I still have an issue swallowing gigantic pills. I do not have as much of a dysphagia trouble anymore. 

With this memory, I realized that a child may not retain every memory of their parents. Memories that are forever are times when folks (like mine) make sincere and serious efforts, take so much pain, and do everything in their power to support the craziness of their moppet.  

I saw ‘The Social Dilemma’ and here is why am worried

I watched ‘The Social Dilemma’ recently and I started thinking of something really concerning. It does not say anything that I don't know already. I mean I really wish I had access to those advanced AI algorithms to create engaging content for people. But that is not it. I am more worried about how children, in the current and future times, identify or will identify their self with their social standing.

Not to deny that it matters to us as well. That gratification and pump to the dopamine every time our friends like and comment on our picture. And we wait to take that perfect picture. We only celebrate pretty faces, promotions, that 'A' grade, and the near perfect event in our life.

But thanks to a childhood that had more real interactions and mortal connections that we have a stronger sense of self. Our confidence is not destabilized if a picture does not get a like or gets a negative comment. We can discern ‘the social’ us as extended entertainment and not an extended version of ourselves.  

I do not want to sound like a person saying things were better in my time. Things are constantly evolving (read getting more tech driven), and we are as much part of that evolution because it offers speed and convenience which are addictive. 

Shreya and Shivansh are at an age when they really like to play games on the gadgets (which I allow weekly). In some years, they will probably want to be on Instagram and twitter because their friends are. How will I ensure that their confidence is unaffected with or without their social presence? How will I help them understand that their online stance is not who they are? How will I explain that it is not ok to share everything online as our privacy is constantly exposed? How will I convince them that they don't have to be perfect to be liked but being real is far more important? 

The ramblings of quinoa

I gave him a stern look. How could I, the fine and nutritious quinoa, share a table with the obscene ‘bhatura channa’. He looks everything that ever stood for crude and unhealthy. I mean just look at that swollen belly of maida drunken in the guileful oil.

It seems like a single bite of the disdainful ‘bhatura’ could strangle every good nutrient in the body. Look at me, packed with so many coloured vegetables just waiting to please the gut. It’s not for nothing that I’m called the super grain and have every mineral and protein that this bhatura dish can only dream of.

And who calls himself ‘bhatura’? Uncouth! The name itself shoves ‘whoever indulges in you’ in that blazing oil. You come out looking like a pig covered in grease. I can’t even look at the baking soda ridden channa. As if the onslaught of the soda wasn’t enough, it is thrust with an overdose of every possible Indian spice and salt that you’d rather use in a month’s time. 

How do I stand that disgusting smell of the disgracious pickle and onions that goes along? 

You say that you’ve always been there for the Indian palate and I’m the new kid who will soon fizzle out. But tell me, weren’t corded phones replaced with cordless, and then smartphones? I’m the change that everyone has been waiting for.  

But hey you, yea you human! What do you think you’re doing, nooo don’t get tempted, not even one bite. No, no, no

Health gadgets and apps we really need

There is a lot of unpredictability that we are dealing with. Healthcare has put everything else on hold. People are focused more on making health their priority and keeping healthcare at the core. Ever since the virus struck, I read about new healthcare startups every day. There are some healthcare innovations that we absolutely need.

Fever app – rather than getting temperature checked at different places and different people, wish there is an app that could check our body temperature. There must be similar apps to monitor blood pressure, cholesterol, oxygen, and insulin levels.

Infections and foreign body scanner – we definitely need this at the airports. People should be scanned for viruses, bacteria, or foreign bodies at the airport and isolated right away in case there are any present.

Food Monitor – this one will sit on our wrists and just tell us when you eat something unhealthy. It should beep (and possibly stretch an arm inside our mouth and take that unhealthy morsel out) whenever we eat junk food.

Body fat monitor – you could point out to each body part and get the amount of fat sitting in that part and how much do you need to lose from that area.

Skin allergy scanner – this scanner could scan any skin allergy and can give you a reason, diagnosis, and meds for skin allergy.

Happiness meter – this will monitor if people are depressed or dejected, and it will give them ways to deal with it. It will tell them if they need meds to help them with their condition.

The lazy me wishes for a gadget that could possibly do the workout for me. But yea that won't be possible anytime soon so chuck that.

I am sure we could have so many other healthcare tech gadgets that could help all of us. Which health product do you need?

I remember the blast

In the year 2009 somewhere in July, we had a blast in the house. It was 3 am and I heard it. For those of you thinking this is about a big party, sorry for the disappointment. I am talking about a real blast like a crash and boom. We woke up and the bedroom door, torn from its hinges, had fallen on Sumit. Thank god for distance between the bed and the door that it did not hurt him.

Initial thoughts, we told each other that it was an earthquake. I called up my mother to ask her if they were fine and she told me there was no earthquake. In a state of confusion, we rushed to our parent’s room. There was shattered glass everywhere and every door of the house was plugged out, even the bathroom doors. Our parents were equally unsure of what had happened. There was a small fire in the living room and my first instinct was to rush to the balcony to get some water. Till now I didn't realize what had happened, no one did.

“What happened?”, I asked a neighbor peeking out of the window. He said he heard a blast and clueless where it happened. Neighbors rushed and someone got a fire extinguisher. The kitchen was a mess and it was in shreds, and the kitchen sink was uprooted.

In the moments that followed, I rushed down (as we stayed on the first floor) and called a fire engine. It started to dawn that it was only our house and it was only us.

The reason why I write this blog is cause of this havoc virus has disrupted everything that we can possibly think of. Now how is this blast related to the troublesome virus? I realize that every extreme situation, unexpected or expected, gives us something to learn from. There are things we may not understand immediately but in dire situations, most importantly, train your mind to stay calm. It's the only way you can think clearly.

After the lpg explosion at our house, which was caused due to a faulty pipe, we always and always switch off the regulator, irrespective. We had a fire extinguisher for some years immediately after the blast and then we forgot about it. So, the impact of a trauma lessens over the years. 

Years after the COVID-19 horror is over, besides washing hands for 20 seconds, is there something else that you will remember?

When it’s not meant to be

When you reminisce the past,

What do you see,

It’s some fleeting memories,

That were not even meant to be.

Some warm your heart,

While some make you regret,

Some you plan, while some,

That were not even meant to be.

It’s the time when I saw you grow,

Garbled words that were a mystery,

Memories of so many firsts,

That were not even meant to be.

It’s not every rain or storm,

It’s not even every song,

Times I felt alive and free, and others,

That were not even meant to be.

It’s not what I wear on my hand,

It’s not even my shoe brand,

But every time I was valued, or not,

When not even meant to be.

It’s not what I own,

It’s not even who I know,

It’s about who I become with you,

Every time it’s meant to be. 

Letter to Shivansh on your fourth birthday

Dear Shivansh,

Happy Birthday my champ.

You’re the most charming, funny and cute boy I know (and I end up saying this year after year). I am heart achingly sad cause I know you will outgrow the cute little things you say. ‘Volman’ will soon become ‘volume’, ‘Pickups’ will soon become ‘Hiccups’, and ‘Dosa battery’ will soon become ‘dosa batter’.

I’m no longer calling you smart or handsome since you already do that enough for yourself. Whenever you wear something ‘new new’, you must hear and say that you look smart and handsome.

It seems my heart melts a thousand times every time I see your bond with Shreya. You are deeply disturbed if she doesn’t give you attention or doesn’t talk to you. You even have a problem if she talks too much and hogs the limelight. You love to complain about her but feel equally protective if she is scolded. I can truly feel that twins share an inexplicably deep bond.

I wish with all my heart that you become more confident and open to trying new things. You learn to learn and have the patience to focus on what interests you.

Shivansh, despite the patriarchy that we can’t rid ourselves from, I hope I can teach you that you are meant to do every chore yourself to take care of yourself and the ones around you. If you do, it’s not a favor to anyone but yourself.

You’re my friend and the sibling I never had. I’m sorry that I lose my patience sometimes, but I want you to know that I want you to live your childhood freely and fearlessly. I hope when you grow up you don’t blame me for not pressurizing you academically. I don’t want to limit your imagination or strangle your creativity. I want you to think uninhibited and be aware that you can do anything. I don’t want to restrict your experiences, but I would always like to protect you.

From a mom who’s definitely crazy.

Letter to Shreya on your fourth birthday

My little Shreya,

You get all our hugs, cuddling and snuggling, and you love every bit of it. Since Shivansh dislikes it, you get his share of affection too. I can’t imagine a day when you’d ask us to stop it or refuse to sleep over my chest. Your embrace is comforting to me more than it might be for you.

I’m so proud to see you so fearless and undaunted to try new things. I love that you have such focus and don’t lose it till you’ve finished the task at hand. You like to give your best go at the things you do, and I want you to remember that your sincere effort is what matters the most. You’re confident and dance and laugh unrestrictedly and unreservedly. I don’t want you to ever outgrow that.

I’d like to see you become less rigid and headstrong for everything. Not everyone will concede like your mom and dad.

You don’t leave any opportunity to boss around Shivansh. But you also love to emulate him. He masterminds the mischief and you follow. It seems you’re each other’s shadow.

Shreya, I want you to experience all the wondrous little things in this world. I want you to spread your wings, and fly, and if you can’t then you must be strong willed and relentless to keep trying till you can.

Always and forever your hugie pugie mom